restart
by fatedtopretendd
Summary: He remembers three kids racing down on a pier and snarky banter in an incomplete mansion. 2.07 end, missing scene.


_A/N: Little missing scene for after the end of 2.07. This could be better but I'm lazy._

…

"Did you know I have been getting acquainted with the Newport police department, Marissa?" Seth announces as they finish tidying the kitchen after breakfast.

"What did you do? Steal a comic book?" Marissa deadpans

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Actually, I stole a car."

Marissa quirks an eyebrow, then glances at Ryan, "Clearly you've been a bad influence."

Ryan smiles. "He 'stole' Caleb's car to impress Alex."

"That's so stupid, Seth," Marissa says laughing.

"I prefer to call it romantic," Seth retorts.

"Things are going well with Alex, I see."

"Really _really_ well."

"And you're not just saying that because you think I will tell Summer and it will make Summer jealous?"

"No, I really - wait, you think Summer would be jealous?" Seth enquires.

Marissa grins back, "You're so predictable Seth."

"You're messing with me?"

Ryan laughs from the side as Marissa confirms, "Yes, I'm kidding."

"Thanks a lot, Cooper," Seth laments. As he watches Ryan and Marissa laugh together, he almost forgets that they aren't together anymore. He remembers three kids racing down on a pier and snarky banter in an incomplete mansion. He likes Lindsay, he really does. And DJ seems nice enough, _and God, those abs,_ he understands the appeal.

But he is also an hopeless romantic.

"We should do something," Seth suggests.

"Like what?" Ryan asks.

"I don't know, hit the beach, grab some balboa bars."

"Wow, such an inspired idea," Marissa says sarcastically.

"Do either of you have a better suggestion?"

Marissa and Ryan look at each other and shrug.

"Great," Seth says gleefully. "It will be just like old times."

…

Ryan walks up to Marissa on the beach, carrying two balboa bars

"Where's Seth?" Marissa asks when she sees Ryan is alone.

"There was a sale at the comic book store that he could not resist."

Marissa smiles. "Seth is so," she searches for the right word, " _Seth_."

Ryan gives her bemused look.

"He's so predictable, it's kind of comforting."

Ryan nods, wondering what she is implying, if even anything at all.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"About my dad?"

Ryan shrugs, "With everything, really."

Marissa wants to laugh, and frankly, to shout at him. It's so _Ryan_ , she thinks, to ask how she is and to be kind, and considerate and act like he's her boyfriend. She remembers how he put his arm around her at breakfast. Held it there for about two minutes longer than it was necessary or even appropriate. How even when he removed his arm, their arms kept brushing. She doesn't think he does it purposefully. She thinks that if their situations were reversed, she would probably sit on a beach with him and act like she is still his girlfriend, because she wouldn't know any better. _Maybe that's why they can never work this friendship thing out._

"Remember, I can tell when you're lying," Ryan warns with a shy smile.

Marissa smiles back yet almost wanting to cry because if she's honest, her life has continually felt awful since May of last year. But it's not like she can tell him that.

"It's bearable," she answers finally.

She can tell he isn't convinced. She knows he saw her last night. A drunken mess. She didn't miss him standing up, near-ready to come get her.

"I'm here if you ever need to talk," he says, and it's so earnest, she believes him. But they both know they aren't in a position to be speaking with their hearts.

Marissa watches the sand slip beneath her toes. She nods, and murmurs a thank you in response to his offer.

"I want us to be friends," Ryan says.

"I do too."

"But, you don't think we can," he interjects.

"No, that's not what I think. I, there is no 'but'," Marissa insists.

"Are you sure?"

Marissa sighs. She wants, and sometimes it feels like she needs, Ryan in her life. She hates that it has to be like this and knows that this is no consistent basis for friendship.

"When I told you we were never just friends, I think that was true. We were never friends first. Luke was right when he accused me of liking you, because I did, from the beginning. And then we were dating, and we broke up and we said we would be friends, but we never really got there. Did we?"

Marissa's looking at him with her eyes wide open, so deep and thoughtful that he sees their relationship flashing against the blue irises.

"No," he agrees. "We were never really friends."

He's waiting for Marissa to continue when he watches her glance in the distance.

"Seth's back," she informs him. He turns to look at a waving Seth walking towards them.

"Dude, I got some unbelievable deals," he shouts.

"Really," Ryan responds wryly.

"What were you guys talking about?" he asks them, glancing from one to the other.

"We were wondering what to do for lunch," Marissa lies quickly.

"Crab Shack or the Diner, important question," Ryan supplements.

Seth gives them an incredulous look, before confirming, "I'm feeling partial to some lobster."

…

There's a ring of a cell phone and a mumbled apology from Ryan as he leaves their table to take a call.

"Lindsay?" Marissa casually asks Seth.

"Mhmm, probably," Seth replies through a forkful of lobster. "Speaking of which, what is going on with you two?"

"Me and Lindsay?" Marissa retorts. From the corner of her eye she watches an awkward Ryan through the window.

"Coop-"

"Only Summer calls me Coop."

"I just figured that since we are hanging out nowadays, anyway, nevermind. Don't change the topic," Seth states. "You know what, or _who_ , I'm talking about."

"Seth, don't even try to go there."

"You are being suspiciously defensive."

" _Seth_."

"What were you guys talking about earlier on the beach? Because that looked intense and I call bullshit if you say you were talking about food."

"It's none of your business, Seth."

"Alright, jeez, you kids are so sensitive these days" he grumbles under his breath. Seth turns his attention to watching Ryan through the window.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"I don't know and I don't care," Marissa says. When she realises how defensive she sounds, she nervously bites her lips. _Fucking Seth and his curiosity._

Seth smirks back, a witty retort on the tip of his tongue. He holds it in check because he's pretty sure Marissa might actually slap him if he pushes things further.

"They're probably talking about physics homework," he answers his own question. "God, it's a shame they don't do chemistry together. The jokes I could make," he speaks to himself.

Minutes later, Ryan returns to their table.

"Who was that?" Seth instantly questions.

"Lindsay," Ryan replies, his attention focused on the leftover fries on his plate.

"Exciting plans to study physics?"

Ryan sheepishly glances up, eyes darting away from Marissa to focus on Seth.

"Actually, yeah, I need to meet her in half an hour to redo our assignment. Turns out there were a lot of mistakes in there," he tells them.

Seth happily turns to Marissa, "I told you he's a nerd this year."

"Yeah, um, I'm sorry about," he addresses Marissa uncomfortably.

Marissa shrugs, her expression blank as Seth keenly looks on.

"Physics calls," she says simply, a tiny smile appearing out of politeness.

…

"Just humour me for a moment, okay, when Ryan came back from Chino, why didn't you just break it off with DJ? Or if you didn't want to dump DJ, why not just tell Ryan?"

Seth and Marissa are sitting in the Cohen living room. A rerun of The Valley plays on the TV.

"I was breaking up with DJ," Marissa states pointedly. "That's when Ryan saw us."

"You were dumping him by making out with him?"

Marissa fights the urge to throw the remote at Seth.

"He was angry at me, he kind of saw me kiss Ryan earlier that day," she mumbles.

"Wow, the symmetry's kind of poetic."

"He basically said that I was choosing Ryan over him because he was the yard guy, and that was not true. I became upset and then he felt bad-"

"Let me guess, he was hit by this an unbeknownst male urge to protect Marissa Cooper and then proceeded to kiss you," Seth completes.

Marissa rolls her eyes at him but admits, "It was a dumb choice."

"Which part?" Seth questions with quasi-perplexion.

"The not-telling-Ryan part, stupid."

"Interesting," Seth comments. She's expecting another witty retort from Seth but his brow creases slightly and she can tell he's serious. "Why didn't you tell him? I think he would have understood. You loved him, right? When we spoke that summer, I could tell you were still in love with him. So, if you tell me you were confused about how you felt, I don't believe you. "

Seth looks intently at Marissa. He wonders if he has overstepped a mark. Marissa returns his look with greater contemplation and uncertainty.

"He broke my heart when he left," she tells him. "And I know he didn't have a choice, that I had no right to be angry but I was. He left and it broke me. When he came back, I could tell that he wanted things to be like how they used to be. And I thought before I could do that, but it turned out I couldn't forget. Ryan's good at moving past things, you know? He has these brief moments where you can see something's weighing down on him but he's good at hiding it. He can suppress all the shit life throws at him and keep going. It's good in a way, it's a skill."

"He is a man of action," Seth nods.

Marissa sighs, leaning back against the couch.

"I know I messed up," she says reluctantly. "I went about things in totally the wrong way."

"Hey, at least you weren't stupid enough to run away because your best friend left town," Seth offers with a reassuring smile.

It's strange, Marissa thinks, that it could be so easy to speak to Seth. She knows she ought to be more careful since there's essentially no line between what she tells him and what he tells Ryan.

"How angry was he about DJ?" she asks after a while. She figures Seth has little resistance to spilling secrets, no matter whose they are.

"Hmmm, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 might be considered peak-Oliver level anger, I would probably put DJ as 6, maybe a tentative 6.5."

"You were probably too self-absorbed with Summer to pay attention, weren't you?" Marissa checks on a second thought.

"That is so unfair, Marissa. I will not dignify that with a response."

Marissa laughs, knowing she is correct. Seth's grinning but a wistfulness dawns across his face. Marissa watches him ponder his words, something he rarely does.

"He's keen about the friends thing, with you and him," he finally says with an unfamiliar severity.

"I know," Marissa agrees.

"Are you okay with that?"

It's her turn to look wistful now.

"I want him in my life," she answers honestly.

…

Ryan stands in front of Marissa's bedroom door, debating for the 10th time whether he made the right decision by coming here. _Fuck it_ , _he's here now,_ he thinks before eventually knocking.

"Come in," he hears a surprised voice shout.

He self-consciously opens the door and sees Marissa sitting in front of her mirror, applying lipstick. The surprise on her face grows when she sees it's him.

" _Hey,_ " she says.

He takes her in, wearing a tightly-fitted white dress, riding up high along her thigh.

"Hey," he stammers, realising that he was unashamedly staring. "Um, you're going somewhere?"

"Yeah. I have a date with DJ," she responds.

" _Oh_." Ryan mentally curses Seth for not warning him about this when he told him Marissa went home. _Jesus,_ _if he had walked in on them_.

"What are you doing here?" Marissa finally asks.

"Right, yeah," Ryan collects himself. He walks into the room tentatively, nervously shoving his hands into his pockets. "I just wanted to finish our conversation from earlier at the beach. It felt like you were going to say something before Seth interrupted."

"You came all the way here just to ask me that?"

Ryan shrugs. He watches Marissa's gaze soften and he realises he misses her looking at him like that.

"Look, I want us to be friends, I do, but it's hard. It's hard for me. I'm sure we'll get there, and I _definitely_ want to try and get there, I just think that it might take some time," Marissa explains.

Ryan nods, slowly absorbing everything she is saying and replaying what she said before.

 _Luke was right when he accused me of liking you, because I did, from the beginning._

He looks at her and he wants to convey how much she means and has always meant to him. He wants to tell her that he also thinks about ferris-wheels and balboa bars on the pier. Wondering what counts more: the happiness they shared or the drama that plagued them.

"This isn't exactly easy for me either," he admits and he wills her to understand that he hasn't forgotten.

Marissa offers an awkward half-smile, a quiet acknowledgement that she does, in some way understand.

"You look really nice, by the way," he says and tries his best boyish smile.

She wants to ensure her own smile isn't too big, but she's grinning at him anyway.

" _Thanks_."

"I'll see you on Monday," he tells her.

Marissa nods, finding herself looking forward to school for the first time in a long while.


End file.
